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Miss. Cork wannabe gets nasty! |
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This is not so much funny as it is a little shocking...
This year I was approached to enter the "Miss.Cork" competition.
I was obviously delighted and spent weeks getting ready. I trawled town looking for the perfect dress and bikini etc. Myself and my mum were so so excited and finally the bog day rolled around. I had my hair done and all the jazz and all my family bought tickets (e20). Back stage, nerves were high and every girl had her fingers crossed for a shot at the title. All the girls looked gorgeous but I had my favourites.One being the girl who eventually won, who was an absolute lady and was so lovely to everyone. As I was getting changed into my final dress I was talking to another blonde who I knew worked for Assets and was competing. "I'm so nervous, I would looove to win this so much but it probably isn't gonna happen," I said out of nerves. At this the blonde turned around and goes,"Thats probably true, an Assets model ALWAYS wins this!" Then she just smirked, looked me up and down like I was a piece of s$%* and walked off. I was so close to crying at this comment because even if she DID think I didn't have a shot, she could have been nice about it. Anyway I sucked it up and in the end, Aisling,(the girl ALL the girls wanted to win) won Miss. Cork. The other blonde didn't and afterwards grabbed her stuff and stormed out. Karma people.....KARMA! |
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Overheard by Anonymous - Clarion Hotel, last thurs night the 12th of april.
Posted on Tuesday, 17th April
2007 |
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Super-Jew |
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Almost a year after I finished my studies at UCC I returned to Cork to visit some friends. We were waiting in the queue for the Brog and I was telling them how every time I used to go there were two bouncers - one would always ID me while the other would always cheer that "The Super-Jew's back."
As I was explaining this, the fellow in front of us turned around and yelled, "It is the Super-Jew! You used to live in Victoria Lodge, right? I worked construction and we'd watch you walk by. Everyone would ask, 'What's that funny thing on his head?'" |
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Overheard by Matt - The Brog
Posted on Sunday, 15th April
2007 |
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Spin-Cycle |
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| Two auld ones talking about doing the washing...one was describing a particularly dirty piece of underwear..the other asks, well how did you clean them? the first says "Well I beat the shite out of them" |
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Overheard by larger - on the bus to Drimoleague
Posted on Sunday, 15th April
2007 |
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Oh just ask anyone for directions |
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I am a Mayo man who was in Cork last Saturday for the Cork v Mayo National League match in Pairc Ui Rinn. I was crossing the bridge towards Patrick Street to get a taxi to Pairc Ui Rinn. I was wearing my Mayo GAA jersey at the time and had a Green & Red checkered flag with me.
A Dublin reg'd BMW was passing Lavitts Quay and stopped me, opened the window and the first thing they said to me was: "Are you from Cork?"
Well they were kinda embarrased to say the least. |
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Overheard by Mayoman - Lavitts Quay
Posted on Tuesday, 27th March
2007 |
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Bloody white bread and sausages!! |
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This pair of bachelors in their 70s' were walking down the aisle of the train looking for a seat, both clearly overweight. They eventually find a seat with a bit of fuss, on the way there, neither one could decide which seat was preferable the window or the aisle. Eventually, having settled into their respective seats, the conversation turns to all things food related and how to loose that 'bloody weight'. They both have a thick Mallow accent, for those who know what i am talkin about. The conversation goes something like this:-
Eddie: "C'mere Mikie whats this new thing with loosing weight, I've been talking to those doctor fellas and they tell me I have to loose the auld weight, like??"
Mikie: "I know Eddie, loosing the weight is a job alright!"
Eddie: "Listen Mikie I'm nearly 75yrs of age and I've weighed meself and the weights the same, nearly 13 stone and I'm atin' nothin', i'm telin ya!"!
Mikie: "Jaysuzz bhoy, I know what it is, tis the bloody white bread and sausages bhoy, they're bastards , they're bastards I tell ya!!"
Edie: "Christ, d'ya know, you're right there, those bloody sausages and white bread are sausages are bastards alright!!" |
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Overheard by Diarmuid - On the Dublin to Cork train
Posted on Wednesday, 21st March
2007 |
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Windows |
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| A couple of years ago my mother rang the phone company to get the internet set up. They asked her what type of Windows she had. Thinking they were asking to install wires she said "PVC oak", really proud of her expensive windows. The poor guy on the phone must have wet himself. When I came home and she told me the story and I had to explain what Windows he was actually referring to. |
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Overheard by Michelle - Cork City
Posted on Friday, 16th March
2007 |
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Chinese Council |
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| Two summers back I was sitting outside my house up de northside, it was one of those days when the sun was splitting the stones, every young one was half naked and ice-cream vans were doing they're rounds. As i was soaking up the sun I noticed my neighbour had appeared at his front door in just a pair of shorts. At this moment a Chinese council worker(would you believe it)walks up his drive and says to my neighbour "where ya bin" To my bewilderment the conversation that followed had me laughing for weeks "where u bin" says the Chinese fella "I was in Spain for two weeks" My neighbour replied obviously very proud of his tan! "No where u bin" The council worker asked again with a confused look on his face. "I swear I was in Santaponsa for two weeks bhoy!" "No where u wreally bin" Getting angry at this stage as you can well imagine" "Alright so you bastard I was down in Ballyhiege for the summer" After I finally stopped laughing I had to explain to my neighbour the poor Chinese man was looking for his wheelie bin haha! |
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Overheard by Anonymous - Northside
Posted on Thursday, 15th March
2007 |
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Time difference |
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| Travelling to America with my friend we had to to stop over in Heathrow, London first. My friend turns to me on the plane and asks "what's the time difference between Cork and london?" |
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Overheard by Btown - Plane fromCork to Heathrow
Posted on Sunday, 04th March
2007 |
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Duh... |
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| Was workin in a bar and restaurant during the summer... while scraping some food off a plate into the bin, a customer approaches me and asked "Do ye do bar food???" |
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Overheard by Niamh - Treacys bar
Posted on Saturday, 03rd March
2007 |
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Not the Right Moment... |
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In history class about 6-7years ago. We were gettin the results of a history test from the week before. Two of the girls were asked to stand as their papers were the exact same.... after about 10 minutes they admitted to cheating and were told to sit back down. The teacher then told us that all he wanted was for them to admit it and it would be forgotten.... "I mean, in my day lads, you'd get leathered for cheating!!!" he kinda yelled, not happy with the cheating.
Everthing was really tense and quiet, when from the back of the class one of the lads asks.... "were you ever spanked sir???" |
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Overheard by Niamh - in secondary school
Posted on Saturday, 03rd March
2007 |
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Line to nowhere |
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| Was walking in Wilton on Valentines Day, was walking past the flower shop, and there was an endless line of lads out the door waiting to buy flowers. One fella walks by and yells, "Yer all Whipped!!!" |
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Overheard by Derek - Wilton
Posted on Thursday, 15th February
2007 |
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Once it's gone it's gone! |
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| Overheard in a restaurant in Cork. A few people sitting having dinner and going by the converstaion 2 had obviously donated blood at some point. One of the other diners at their table said "Jesus boy, I wouldn't donate blood at all. Sure once its gone its gone!" Thought the others at the table would need CPR! |
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Overheard by Anonymous - Cork
Posted on Thursday, 08th February
2007 |
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