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Green Golfballs and NIte Rates |
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Was getting mu gear together in advance of going to play a round of golf, when my Blond Cork Girlfriend says
"It would be better if the Golfballs were Green rather then white!!!"
Yea Right....
See you later..........
Another one of her blond moments
Her Dad is a farmer and recently when we were down on the farm we were discussing the recently introduced Nitrates Directive which is desined to reduce the levels of Nitrate pollution in our rivers and lakes, believe it or not she asked if the "Nite Rates" were much Cheaper than the "Day Rates"!!!! |
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Overheard by Ronald Nevin - #1 at Home #2 in Bandon
Posted on Sunday, 08th May
2005 |
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Yank for Cob------------------------H |
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One day while minding me owm business at the train station in cork, this yank woman asks me which platform did she need for the train to Cobh.
Only error she made was she pronounced Cobh, Cob-h COB (As in Corn) then H (as in Hatchet)
I did not laugh and respectively told her the correct pronunciation |
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Overheard by Brad Nolan - Train Station CORK
Posted on Tuesday, 03rd May
2005 |
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The Morning After The Wedding |
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| I was attending a wedding in West Cork, when a drunken friend of the groom returned to his hotel room at seven o'clock in the morning. He took a shower in the ensuite. He wrapped a towel around his waist and entered the bedroom only to discover a couple in the bed. Shocked, he left the hotel room and went down to reception to complain about the strange couple in his room. The receptionist told him that the couple was the bride's parents and that he was in the wrong hotel. Mortified, the young lad gave back the towel and left. |
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Overheard by Milo Da 'Briggan - Clonakilty
Posted on Tuesday, 03rd May
2005 |
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Taxi attitude |
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I was down in cork for a weekend, gettin a taxi back to place we were stayin in wilton. one of my mates goes...
"it is the third exit on the left"
the taxi driver turns to me in the front seat and goes....
"you hear that lad, exit, does he think we are in France boy, bloody exit" and continued muttering to himself. |
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Overheard by bernard - taxi
Posted on Wednesday, 27th April
2005 |
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Genuine mistakes |
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Overheard before an AUL soccer game on a wet and windy Decemeber morning. The manager is standing there giving his team-talk and he says ...
"Lads... this referee... he's a very good referee. All the mistakes he makes - they'll all genuine mistakes" |
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Overheard by Scam - Cork AUL game
Posted on Tuesday, 26th April
2005 |
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Feck depreciation |
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At an AGM of a certain GAA club they were going through the assets of the club when they announced that due to depreciation the value of the clubhouse had decreased over 2 grand from the previous year to which there was general uproar amoungst the delegates. Eventually one guy stands up and says...
"2 grand, 2 shagging grand!....but it's the same f**king building boy" |
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Overheard by Leazer - Northside Cork City
Posted on Tuesday, 26th April
2005 |
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Sweet FA |
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While watching a local AUL soccer game during the halftime interval I heard the manager say to his team...
"lads, you'll get f**k all for f**k all in the Cork AUL"
the team went on to loose 3-0 so indeed they did get f**k all.... |
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Overheard by Leazer - Casement Park
Posted on Tuesday, 26th April
2005 |
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Alcohol-free Smirnoff |
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I was up at the bar getting myself a drink when I see someone I recognise from college. They're talking about getting a UCC society sponsorship for their events and suchlike.
She starts talking about how Heineken would be the perfect sponsors, until someone eventually explains to her that you're not allowed to be sponsored by a drinks company. To which she replies;
"Oh! Well I suppose someone like Smirnoff will do then." |
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Overheard by Buceph - Trendy City Centre Pub
Posted on Saturday, 23rd April
2005 |
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Muslim? |
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I was sitting in Abracababra's one night when a couple girls came in off the street. One pointed to my yarmulke and asked me, "Are you Muslim?"
I was a bit confused, but replied, "No. Jewish"
The other said, "Oh. You have nice eyes," and they walked out. |
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Overheard by Matt - Abracababra
Posted on Saturday, 23rd April
2005 |
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Granny-bashing (By Ken Fitzpatrick!) |
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| Walking out of Dunnes stores in Cork City with my friend. He has a backpack on his back, and is adjusting the straps by flexing his arms backwards. On one back-flex, he elbows a short old woman squarely in the nose, sending her flying backwards. He shouts "Sh*te! Run!!" And pegs it! Cue a high speed granny-evasion chase through the streets of Central Cork! Priceless! |
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Overheard by Peadar Oirúnach - Cork!
Posted on Friday, 22nd April
2005 |
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Accents |
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I was at a show in the opera house recently where the cast were speaking in liverpool accents. At the interval a cork lad asks the fellow beside him (in the strongest cork accent I've heard)
"Why are they talking in the quaer accents?!!"
- I was the only one laughing!! |
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Overheard by Tipp Lad - Cork Opera House
Posted on Friday, 22nd April
2005 |
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Not wanted |
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Was down in Cork from Dublin helping my Dub brother move into his new house. We cleared a load of rubbish and unwanted gear from the house into our rented van and drove to the local dump to get rid of it, only to see a big sign saying they accepted cars only, no vans. I go up to the bloke in the office at the entrance to try to persuade him to let us in but he's having none of it.
Me: "So, where can I dump of this stuff? Is there another place that lets vans in?"
Him: "Well, I spose you could go to Carrigaline."
Me: "So they'll take my rubbish"
Him: "Well, they might."
Me: "They might?? What do you mean?"
Him: "Nobody wants your rubbish boyyyyy" (said with a look of pure pleasure) |
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Overheard by Nathan - Cork city dump
Posted on Friday, 22nd April
2005 |
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